Righteous Blackguards

From the lowly gutters of Renaissance faires and the sticky floors of dive bars comes a band of middle-aged miscreants who call themselves musicians.

Background Information

Origin: A poorly-lit tavern, possibly cursed
Genres: Renaissance parody, drunkard sea shanties, kilt-based embarrassment
Years Active: Too long (allegedly since the 14th ale)
Members: Four-to-six aging men with equal parts confidence and midlife crisis

Overview

Righteous Blackguards are a Renaissance-themed band of self-proclaimed “comedic musicians” whose performances are known for eliciting laughter—sometimes intentionally. Founded by a group of friends who mistook alcohol-fueled karaoke for artistic chemistry, the band has clawed its way onto the peripheral stages of various Renaissance Faires, where the bar for entertainment is set slightly above “guy who can juggle while burping.”

With a repertoire full of ribald sea shanties, off-key harmonies, and choreography that resembles a tavern brawl performed in slow motion, they have built a cult following of confused tourists, bored fairgoers, and at least one dog who keeps showing up for the turkey legs.

Band Members

“Leather Lad” – Known for wearing a sleeveless leather vest despite the temperature or context. Once tried to start a solo project called BDSM Ballads but forgot how to tune his tambourine.
“Youthful Ginger” – The baby of the group (still clinging to the vanished vestiges of his 30s), who tries to class up the act with an actual singing voice. Ruined it by harmonizing with a hurdy-gurdy.
“Splitpants McGee” – Fashion icon of the group, known for pants that look like they lost a fight with a clown car. Brings chaotic pansexual energy to an otherwise heteronormative disaster.
“Mugface the Menacing” – Gruff, growly, and full of misguided theatrical rage. Often mistaken for someone who might be talented, until he starts singing.

Musical Style

The band’s sound is what you'd get if Monty Python had a lovechild with a bar brawl. Songs range from “Yo Ho and the Yeast Infection” to “Mead Me Behind the Stocks.” Their melodies are mostly in the key of "close enough," and the harmonies often require the audience to be several drinks deep.

Live Performances

Their shows are infamous for audience participation, which is not optional and frequently involves being heckled, flashed, or handed a prop fish. One show ended with an impromptu mosh pit of children under 10, which was arguably the most coherent choreography of the evening.

Critical Reception

“An unforgettable experience. I’m still in therapy.” – Faire Weekly

“They play with the enthusiasm of drunk uncles at a wedding. And we love them for it.” – Renaissance Rag

“Are they trying to be bad? Is this performance art?” – Confused reviewer on Yelp

Legacy

Though they threaten retirement annually, Righteous Blackguards keep crawling out of their crypts each Faire season to deliver their unique blend of bawdy comedy and tuneless revelry. Whether they're legends or cautionary tales is a matter of scotch-fueled debate.

Their motto? Stay Righteous. Their mission? Unclear. Their future? Possibly rehab.